My Entrance Day!

From my journal:

27 July 2004
   Where to start? It’s been a very big 3 days, so much to tell you, and I don’t know if I can write down everything I’ve been thinking and feeling and doing.
   Friday, of course, was frantic -- my last day, possibly my last day ever in the world, except for doctors’ visits, etc. I finished up packing and cleaning and sorting, then J_ and a tenor in the HGO chorus came over to help me haul boxes to the post office, after which J_ and I had lunch at the Black-Eyed Pea. Then he dropped me off at my apartment and we said a tearful goodbye. Ordinarily, J_ is not much of a hugger, but we held on long and tight, and I even saw a suspicious redness in his eyes when we parted.
   Mom, Dad, George and Cindy arrived shortly before 5. The whole evening, and Saturday as well, had a strange atmosphere of unreality. I expected to wake up at any moment to find that these past 2 years have all been a dream. Mom held up very well, aside from a few dewy-eyed moments, but she never really gave in to the tears until the very last goodbyes, for which I will always be grateful.
   The drive up to the monastery was fairly smooth; we arrived at around lunchtime. Sr. Mary Veronica had tuna sandwiches ready in the guest dining room, but I don’t think any of us had much of an appetite.
   After lunch, we went into the Peace Parlor where we were met by Srs. Mary Annunciata, Mary William, Mary Jeremiah, and Maria Cabrini. We had a very nice visit, during which Dad recounted many war stories. We must have chatted for about an hour, then the sisters told me to go into the restroom by the parlor and change into my postulant’s uniform, which was hanging on the door. My veil wasn’t ready yet, but I put on the white blouse, blue vest and skirt, white socks, and my brand new black sandals (white socks with black sandals -- only in the monastery!), then walked back into the parlor as a Dominican postulant. It was time for me to enter the enclosure. I hugged everyone long and tight. Mom finally let her tears go, as did I, after so many weeks of being brave. “Take care of my baby,” she said to the sisters. She and Dad and George and Cindy, along with Sr. Mary Veronica, escorted me to the enclosure door, an unassuming, unmarked door at the end of the front porch. As when I entered for my aspirancy, almost all the sisters (except the infirm) were lined up along both sides of the narrow hallway just past the vestibule. Sr. Mary Annunciata had my family come into the vestibule and right up to the hallway door so they could see the community and watch me become a part of it. I went down the double row of smiling, welcoming, joyful nuns -- my sisters now -- then went back to my family for one last, long hug.

Sr. Mary William welcomes me into the monastery

   My first night -- Saturday -- was pretty miserable. But I was in a sort of daze, a combination of lack of sleep, too much packing and cleaning, and too many violent emotions let loose after holding them in for so long. I was tired, physically, mentally, and emotionally. My heart was breaking from leaving my family and my home; yet at the same time, it was rejoicing because I was finally where I wanted to be, where I felt I could just throw myself into God’s loving arms and let him carry and guide me. I was free.
   But I also knew -- still know -- that I have a long, painful, arduous journey ahead of me. I came here to seek union with God, but I’m well aware of the obstacles -- my obstacles -- and now begins the real work of overcoming them. My pride, vanity, thoughtlessness, and most of all, my impatience and intolerance. God and I have an uphill battle ahead of us.