29 September 2004 It had been weeks since my last private spiritual direction with Sr Maria Cabrini (my Novice Directress), which is supposed to happen weekly for each of the novices and postulants -- but for one reason or another, we've had to cancel the past few. Finally we had an opportunity yesterday. She first gave me a large, lovely blank book in which to begin writing poetry again. I had told her some time ago about what a creative child I was, always writing poems and songs and short stories, and that my mother gave me a blank book when I was a teenager, to fill with my poems and song lyrics, but it's now lost. Since college -- or, really since my senior year in high school -- my "muse" had lain dormant, except for journaling. But lately it seems to have reawakened, and I am hoping and praying that the Spirit may think me fit to write poetry again, and maybe even a book.
10 October 2004 What a day yesterday! It was the Memorial of St. Louis Bertram, the patron saint of novices and novice directors, so it was also the Novitiate Feast Day. The five of us in the novitiate invited the temporary professed (four of them at the moment), plus of course Sr. Mary Annunciata, Sr. Mary Jeremiah (who teaches most of our classes), and also Sr. Mary Bridget, since she helps the novices in the laundry. In the morning, we had a video, Come to the Stable, that I had brought with me; then we brought our dinner trays to the gate parlor, where this whole celebration took place. Adrienne, Sr. Mary Giuse, Sr. Maria Cabrini and I had made brownies for dessert, plus we had ice cream and sodas. We came back at 4 for games -- Pictionary, and a homemade "St. Louis Bertram Bingo." Much fun, all of it; but, as we had to set up as well as clean up -- involving hauling the folding tables, carts, TV/VCR, blackboard on wheels -- we were all very tired at the end of the day.
No Date This morning was grey, cool, and wonderfully misty -- perfect walking weather. So I donned one of the long slickers hanging in the back entrance by the kitchen, grabbed an umbrella, put on my sneakers, and went tramping in the woods. Oh, it was wonderful! I could only wish for an honest-to-goodness rain -- a light, gentle rain -- but the mist was very nice, and there was a constant breeze that made it swirl around. I suppose some people would find such weather annoying, but I love it. As long as I don't have to drive in it.
24 October 2004 I'm taking my Moses Day today. A Moses Day is a monthly individual retreat day and is determined by one's laundry number. My number is 25, but tomorrow (Monday) is laundry day, and they really need everyone to work, so I'm taking my Moses Day today instead. Schedule-wise, it's really no different from any other Sunday in that I still go to Mass and Office; but I skip recreations and get a replacement for my work duties. The big difference is, knowing it's your special retreat day, you automatically spend more time in prayer, meditation, and sacred reading. I did finish a letter to the family, and am now writing in you, but already I've spent more time in prayer and meditation than I normally do. And do you know what? I really like it! It makes me yearn more than ever for more solitude and less community. Does that make me a bad Dominican? Does that mean I have more of a Carmelite or Trappestine spirituality?
There has been a lot happening lately in the way of trials and penances, all very hard to bear; but just when I think I can't bear them, God sends me grace through my Novice Directress. For one thing, she gave me St. Paul of the Cross' letters to Mother Mary Crucified and I have found much in them to give me strength and hope. Sister has been so encouraging -- she told me she has no doubt of my vocation; that I have a good, religious soul, which is why God is so jealous for me and why he sends me so many crosses and withdraws his consolations so often. So I am not to give up when I feel nothing in prayer. All I can do is keep striving to find him, and to wait for him to tell me, in whatever way he pleases, how I may love and know him better.
3 November 2004 Today Adrienne received the habit, the novice's white veil, and her name in religion: Sr. Mary Gabriel of the Holy Name of Jesus. So I witnessed my very first clothing ceremony, and it only made me yearn even more for my own. I pretty much cried through the whole thing.
For her special day, we did the traditional things -- Sr. Mary Giuse did the bulletin board and the flower vase for her cell, Elizabeth (our postulant) made an Eye of God, Sr. Maria Cabrini made sachets and a mobile, and I was in charge of decorating her writing table and her bed, which served as the gift table, being the largest flat surface in the cell. I must say, the writing table turned out beautifully.
If my postulancy lasts the customary 10 months, I'll have my clothing in May. But the constitutions state that it can last anywhere from 9-12 months. I'm hoping that Sr. Mary Annunciata will take into account my advanced years (!) and let me receive the habit in April. The weather's still reasonably nice then, too. I hope it rains on my clothing day!
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