A comedy in one act by Leo di Castelnovo
Translated from the Italian © 2001 by Leticia Austria
Cast of Characters:
BEATRICE GUIDOBALDI, niece and ward of
ARIBERTO GUIDOBALDI, father of
MARCELLO
A SERVANT
Italy, 1870's. A richly appointed salon in Ariberto's house.
SCENE 1
BEATRICE is busy arranging a basket of flowers. ARIBERTO is pacing, absorbed in thought.
BEATRICE (Without stopping her work.) Uncle!
ARIBERTO Eh?
BEATRICE What is the time?
ARIBERTO (Distractedly.) Two o'clock.
BEATRICE And when is it Marcello arrives?
ARIBERTO (Abashed.) I know not.
BEATRICE (Smiling.) You do not know when your own son arrives? Come now!
ARIBERTO If I knew, I would tell you. Why should I not tell you? (Approaching her and changing the subject.) What do you do there, with so much care?
BEATRICE Ungrateful uncle! It is for you, what I am doing! Cannot you see? I am filling the room with flowers. You have given hospitality to your niece, and she wishes to leave some trace of her stay in this house: flowers here and there, a bit of scent— (Prettily.) Tomorrow, these blooms shall be quite faded—I shall return to the country—and you may toss them out the window! (Pointing one out.) See how pretty is this rose.
ARIBERTO (Still preoccupied.) Very pretty.
BEATRICE Oh! Such manners! Mind you, as long as I am to stay in your house, I shall place flowers everywhere, whether you like it or not! (Noticing his anxiety.) But what troubles you, that you pay me no attention? Do you wish to tell me when this blessed betrothed of mine is coming?
ARIBERTO (To himself.) Oh, if she knew that he is already arrived—! (Aloud.) If I tell you I know not— (Pacing and tugging at his moustache.)
BEATRICE (Laughing.) Very well, then; let me guess. He shall arrive shortly.
ARIBERTO Who told you that?
BEATRICE Your nerves. You see how you torture your poor whiskers? That is the most eloquent proof of your nervousness.
ARIBERTO Yes, all right—it is true; I expect him at any moment. And as it grows late, I am worried.
BEATRICE Are you not going out to meet your son, who returns home after five years away? You do not stand on ceremony with me, I hope!
ARIBERTO (To himself.) She confounds me! (Aloud.) What an idea! It is only that I do not wish that so many people witness my emotion. You know—they all form their own notions.
BEATRICE Then that door may open at any moment, and your son—my fiancé—may suddenly appear, like the bogey man?
ARIBERTO (Glancing toward the door to which BEATRICE refers.) Good Lord, I am a bundle of nerves!
BEATRICE (Finished arranging the flowers, she rises.) There! Now, Uncle, do not you find this basket pleasing? (Provoked, because he continue to tug his whiskers and pays no attention.) Forget your poor nerves for a little, and be good!
ARIBERTO (Takes her hands, gazing at her.) come closer, Let me look at you.
BEATRICE (Prettily.) Here I am! And what would you read in my face, with so much seriousness?
ARIBERTO Whether your cousin's arrival does not disturb you in any way. . . . I say, you are quite beautiful, Beatrice! (Towards the door.) You know, my son does not deserve you!
BEATRICE Sh! Why all this bellowing? And what do you mean, "disturb" me?
ARIBERTO (Looking at her.) There is nothing—not even the slightest flush in your cheeks. (Touching her wrist.) No quickening of the pulse—nothing! Your calm gives me cause to wonder.
BEATRICE (Laughing.) Poor Uncle!
ARIBERTO It is no laughing matter! Mine is a delicate situation. (Stomping his foot.) Oh, if only my good uncle had reconsidered before he died! What the devil sort of will was it? "I leave all my earthly possessions in equal parts to my heirs: my nephew Ariberto"—me—"my grandniece Beatrice,"—you—"orphan of my other nephew Goffredo,"—my brother—"provided this same grandniece, born a Guidobaldi, marry a Guidobaldi. Should she, however,—"
BEATRICE (Interrupting him laughing, as one who repeats something long memorized.) "Should she, however, for whatever reson, not cede to my wish that she marry a Guidobaldi, her share of my wealth shall pass to my beloved nephew Ariberto." I've heard it so often repeated, I know it by heart!
ARIBERTO But I do not wish to have your share, you understand? So: either marry my son, or remain a spinster your entire life! (Gravely.) But—what if Marcello, whom you knew as a child, should prove disagreeable to you as a man?
BEATRICE He is your son! He can be nothing but a gentleman of quality.
ARIBERTO But—you do not love him.
BEATRICE But I shall love him. You have told me so often he is to be my husband, that now I am persuaded of it! I shall be happy.
ARIBERTO (Towards the door.) God willing! (A cough is heard offstage.)
BEATRICE (Startled.) Oh—there is someone listening. (Moves to the door, but ARIBERTO stops her.)
ARIBERTO No, no! Merely someone talking in the courtyard. It must be Marcello, just arrived.
BEATRICE It is he? Then I shall go.
ARIBERTO Go? Why?
BEATRICE (Indulgently.) I am a woman! Before meeting my fiancé after these ten years, I want to have a look in the mirror. Do you think he would marry me in the state I am now? We must ensure that he will not find me at my least attractive. (Makes to leave, then turns back.) I should not like to call you "Papa", you know. "Dear Uncle"—"guardian"—those are easy enough; but "Papa"? My tongue would rebel, rather.
ARIBERTO And when may I be called "Grandpapa", my daughter?
BEATRICE (Bursting out laughing.) Grandpapa? With those curly whiskers, and that slim, elegant figure? Do not make me laugh so! (Sniffs a rose in the basket.)
ARIBERTO (Nervously.) What are you doing? What about the mirror? Did you not want to tidy yourself?
BEATRICE One moment—I want to give you a present. (Placing a rose in his button-hole with solemn courtesy.) For you. See how well it looks! This lovely rose was the only thing you were lacking. (Moving a bit away from him to get a better look.) And you want to be called "Grandpapa"! (Vivaciously.) Anything else, yes, but Grandpapa—absolutely not!
ARIBERTO (Urging her to leave.) There is no doubt! This time it is really he!
BEATRICE I'm going. I'm going! (Exits L.)
SCENE 2
(BEATRICE has not completely left; she pokes her head through the door.)
MARCELLO Has she gone?
ARIBERTO Wait a moment! (Hurries to the door to give BEATRICE time to get away.) You rascal! You swore to compromise me—make a liar out of me? No, I did not tell her you had arrived last night; and since then, you have caused me endless distress. You are just this minute arrived, understood?
MARCELLO (Glancing towards the door.) Understood.
ARIBERTO Well, then? Have you seen her? Have you considered?
MARCELLO I have, indeed.
ARIBERTO And the upshot is—
MARCELLO —that it was not worth crossing so much ocean only to repeat what I have told you again and again in my letters and telegrams: no, no, no— (As he speaks, his voice rises in volume.)
ARIBERTO (Clapping a hand over his mouth.) Don't shout! Shame on you! Where will you ever find another more beautiful and agreeable than your cousin?
MARCELLO (Still reckless.) Now, listen, Papa! When I was a boy you sent me away to school against my will. I went, because I had to. (Imitating his father.) "Well, of course, it was not my fault if the Principal was ill-tempered"—then one fine day, pulled by the hair,—
ARIBERTO (As before, stopping him by the arm.) Shh! None of these theatricals! Lower your voice, I tell you!
MARCELLO (Beginning sottovoce, but then little by little getting louder.) Following that fatal event, you took it into your head that I was a scamp. "the sea shall put you to rights!"—and you sent me into the Navy. I went—by force, it is true, but I went. I sailed for five years, made three journeys round the world. God knows how my poor stomach bore it, but I had submitted myself! Twice I was on the point of being swallowed by a shark. Did I complain? Now, for some reason or other, you oblige me to abandon my blue Bosporus. On its shore, along with the Legation, on which you took so much pleasure in imprisoning me, I left behind two almond-shaped eyes. Yes, I abandoned those eyes, the Legation,—everything! No matter; I obeyed, and I am arrived. Am I, or am I not, reasonable? And now you want to present me with a wife, even when I tell you that I have sworn my love and constancy to another! I beg your pardon, Papa, but this—this is too much!
ARIBERTO (Who had been gesturing to him to lower his voice, begins to lose patience.) Marcello! Do not cause me to lose my temper! You must believe in the experience of my forty years. When you better know the world—
MARCELLO (Interrupting.) You make me go round it three times, and have the audacity to tell me that I don't know it?
ARIBERTO Yes! Even the wool-winder turns when winding the wool into a ball. Do you know what it does, the wool-winder? (Calming.) Pay heed to these grey hairs . . .
MARCELLO (Looking in amusement at his father's head.) Where are they? You hide them very well—I cannot even see them!
ARIBERTO Do you see these wrinkles? It was you gave them to me! Do not add to their number, and I shall forget all the worry you have caused me! (MARCELLO shakes his head.) There is but little to discuss. You recall you uncle's will? Well, we cannot get out of it: either we drink, or we drown!
MARCELLO If I did not drown in the ocean, you may be certain I shall not drown now! As for Uncle's will—I take my hat off to his millions; I bow down before his splendor, his honor, and his name; but I tell you loudly and distinctly that, concerning his name, I believe I would do it much more harm going back on a promise already made, than by making another, which I could not keep! So—all things considered—show your hand! What is this marriage, after all? A game of interests, nothing more.
ARIBERTO That is not true. It means happiness for you, fortune for her—and it would be a good deed.
MARCELLO Marriage, a good deed? Hmph! Until now I have known various kinds of marriage: that of love, of convenience, of caprice; I have known marriages of common interest, of hasty necessity—and finally, the ultimate marriage, from which God saves us. But I confess my ignorance; I did not know there also existed the "marriage of good deed"!
ARIBERTO Yes, a good deed! Do not feign to be ignorant of it. Rather, you must appreciate the sentiment which leads me to it. Beatrice is beautiful and good; she has wit, spirit—she shall make a model wife! And you? (Fondly.) You, if you are like you poor mother in heart as you are in countenance, you cannot be wicked, not with intention nor by whim. Through this marriage, I give you an angel who shall render your life blessed; through her husband, I shall be giving her all the comfort of which an ill-inspired will would have deprived her in my favour.
MARCELLO And what of the other lady, who would die of a broken heart?
ARIBERTO Rubbish! The whims of youth! She shall have forgotten you even as we speak! Beatrice, however—once you come to know her, you shall adore her!
MARCELLO (Firmly.) I cannot, Papa, I cannot!
ARIBERTO No? (Sternly.) Then hear my ultimatum! Either reform, and everything shall go well; or persist in this nonsense, and I shall solemnly declare, since I alone am administrator of my affairs, that before my eyes close forever, I shall dispose of my fortune in any manner I choose. (MARCELLO makes as if to speak.) You know me well, Marcello. You know that when I confront obstinacy and ingratitude, I am implacable as stone. (Gravely.) It is time to decide. Look at me: do you think I am in jest? Decide.
MARCELLO (Resigned.) Very well. I shall speak to Beatrice.
ARIBERTO (Rings a bell; a SERVANT enters.) Ask the marchioness if she would kindly favour us with her company. (Exit SERVANT L.)
MARCELLO But what if I should not please her?
ARIBERTO You must!
MARCELLO Oh, yes? Very well. I shall try.
ARIBERTO (Sighing.) Thank Heaven! (Motioning him nearer.) Come here. Settle your cravat a bit. (Adjusting it for him.) Smooth your hair. button your coat. Try to look agreeable—be courteous— (Noting with exasperation MARCELLO's awkwardness.) So this is my son! Upon my word, enough to drive one mad!
MARCELLO (To himself.) What must be, must be!
END SCENE
To be continued.
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