Good Intentions

     Lent began with every good intention to make the most of it on my part. At Ash Wednesday Mass, as we partook of the Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity of Christ, I felt a more profound sense than I ever felt before that all of us were being united in and as Christ's mystical body. It was an overwhelming feeling, one of gratitude and certitude.

     The Tuesday before, I asked "Digital Nun" (a.k.a. Sr Catherine) to assign me a Bible book for my Lenten lectio divina (sacred reading). After praying about it, and without knowing anything about me, she assigned to me my favorite of the Pauline letters—Romans! I fairly yelped for joy. For those who aren't familiar with the monastic practice of lectio divina, it is different from other kinds of spiritual reading and study that may involve Biblical commentaries, writings by early Church fathers or saints, etc. Lectio divina is done only with the Scriptures themselves. After asking the Holy Spirit for guidance, you begin to read—slowly, taking in every word with care, without the intention of reading long passages, and without trying to analyze as you go. Inevitably, a word or a phrase will "jump out" at you. This is your precious nugget for the day, to meditate on, ruminate over, say in your mind again and again. Don't strain to understand it. The understanding will come.

     Of course, according to the Church's custom, I'm praying The Stations of the Cross every Friday. When I first returned to the church, the Stations were a favorite devotion of mine and I prayed them every week even outside of Lent. Why I let that practice go, I don't know, but now when I return to it during Lent, it never fails to move me deeply. I know most parishes pray the Stations as a community, usually on Fridays, which can be a very powerful experience, but I like praying them on my own, taking the time I need to meditate on each one.

     Abstinence from meat on Fridays, and fasting in general, is relatively easy at first. But Lent is a long season when one resolves to change one's usual eating habits. I suppose if I had better eating habits to begin with, Lent would be easier!

     I hope my good intentions will hold up through the coming weeks. "The spirit is willing, but ... " We all know the end of that quote!

     As I type this, the teenager next door is playing his stereo loudly enough for me to feel the measured thumping of its mega-bass through my walls. I wonder if he'll ever consider giving up his stereo for Lent?

    

Blogging A to Z: "U" is for Understanding

I've heard it said, or perhaps I read it somewhere, that if you can't explain a thing clearly to someone, then you don't really understand it yourself. I don't think that's at all true.

Understanding, in the spiritual sense, is one of the gifts of the Holy Spirit, the others being wisdom, knowledge, fortitude, counsel, piety, and fear of the Lord (Is. 11:2-3; CCC 1831).* When I was in the monastery and learning in earnest the practice of lectio divina (sacred reading, mainly the prayerful reading of Scripture, one short passage, or even phrase, at a time), I was told by my elder sisters not to strive in my own way for understanding, but to clear my mind of any human method of analysis and simply be still, silent, and open to the Spirit. He will, in his own time and of his own choosing, give me any understanding he sees fit to give, be it large or small. He may not give it one day, he may not give it for days or weeks at a time, or even longer -- but when he does give it, my sisters told me, I'll know.

It's true; the Spirit doesn't always "speak," but when he does, the understanding he gives is not always in words. In fact, it is seldom in words. Because, just as "the Spirit intercedes for us with sighs too deep for words" (Rom. 8:26), he communicates with us in the same way. True understanding comes like a deep inner light, a sudden warmth of conviction -- an illumination. With that illumination comes also a certain gratitude, spontaneous and profound. And the faith that is also given from God seems to expand within you.

Unfortunately, this light of understanding, these random sparks, are just that: random. We can pray for them; indeed, we should, every time we open the Scriptures. We know intellectually that we shouldn't be discouraged if the Spirit chooses to remain seemingly silent (I say "seemingly," because sometimes the silence is due to our own noisy and distracting thoughts, or, more likely, we may be trying too hard to understand). When his voice is "heard" within us, it is a precious grace. What he teaches us can't always be explained in words, which are a human invention and limitation, but we understand.

* These gifts are not to be confused with the fruits of the Holy Spirit, which are stated in Gal. 5:22-23.

"CCC 1831": the Catechism of the Catholic Church, article 1831.