Before I move on with my religious vocation story, I would like to clarify something. I wrote in my last post that, before my reversion to the faith, I didn't think of my musical talent as a gift from God, but only as a vehicle for my vain ambition. That much is true. But I also had, and still have, a genuine love for music itself which is completely separate from my ambition. From childhood, music has been as much a part of me as my blood. There is nothing on this earth that moves me more, and if I didn't have it in my life in some capacity, a large part of my heart would die. Which is why I was ultimately able to give up my career. The career was never the true gift. Not even is my talent the true gift. The true gift was and is, quite simply, the music itself. Whether or not I am a practicing musician, professional or un- , matters not at all. What matters is that I love music. And as long as I love it, I am not wasting the gift God gave me.
We've all heard the phrase "true vocation." I've held so many jobs, but have yet to find my true vocation is commonly heard, perhaps not in those exact words. But what precisely is meant by "true vocation"? For Christians, indeed for all humankind, there is only one true vocation: holiness, or union with God, which is the same thing. But we all know that the path to our true vocation is different for each and every one of us, and along that path, we may be called to one or more, shall we say, "sub-vocations." These sub-vocations, if we follow and fulfill them according to God's will, should lead us to holiness. All of us are called to more than one sub-vocation; for instance, each and every human being is called to be a son or daughter; then you yourself may be called to be a parent—that's two sub-vocations so far. Furthermore, you may teach for a living, or, in my case, become an opera coach. That's three. Each of these is a paving stone in our path to holiness.
What is of the utmost importance, what makes these paving stones strong, is how we carry out these sub-vocations. When we are given them by God, we use our free will (which he also gave us) either to accept or reject them. If we accept them, God will give us sufficient grace to live them. If we reject them, we will not be truly at peace. Accepting his will and responding to his grace will give us peace and keep us on our path to holiness.
But sometimes God throws us a curve! How many stories have we heard of someone enjoying success, comfort, and contentment, only to get an out-of-the-blue notion to uproot everything he's laid down for himself and his family, if he has one, and start all over with something completely different? Some tell him, "You're crazy!" while others applaud his courage. How does he know he's doing the right thing?
How could I know I was doing the right thing when I gave up my cozy career in opera for the cloister? How can anyone know if what they think is a religious calling is indeed that? The call to religious life is the most mysterious sub-vocation of all. For some, it is a seed that is planted from their first moments of consciousness. For others, like myself, it's a curve ball. And mine was a hanging curve ball, to boot. If it is of the curve ball variety, another question arises: How do I know that this is from God, and not born of my own will and imagination? That question tormented me for many months until I finally asked it out loud to my spiritual director. After a moment's thought and, I suspect, a short prayer, he gave me this invaluable answer: If you try again and again to push it away, but it keeps coming back stronger than ever, it's most probably not your own will, but God's. Ask him.
Taking this with me into further prayer and meditation, I asked God straight out from my heart: Let me know Your will. And God, seeing I was sincere in asking, gave me his answer with undeniable clarity. Exactly how he gave it, I cannot tell. That's between him and me. All I can tell you is that it left me with peace of mind and a joyful heart.
And so, I took the next step. . . .
We've all heard the phrase "true vocation." I've held so many jobs, but have yet to find my true vocation is commonly heard, perhaps not in those exact words. But what precisely is meant by "true vocation"? For Christians, indeed for all humankind, there is only one true vocation: holiness, or union with God, which is the same thing. But we all know that the path to our true vocation is different for each and every one of us, and along that path, we may be called to one or more, shall we say, "sub-vocations." These sub-vocations, if we follow and fulfill them according to God's will, should lead us to holiness. All of us are called to more than one sub-vocation; for instance, each and every human being is called to be a son or daughter; then you yourself may be called to be a parent—that's two sub-vocations so far. Furthermore, you may teach for a living, or, in my case, become an opera coach. That's three. Each of these is a paving stone in our path to holiness.
What is of the utmost importance, what makes these paving stones strong, is how we carry out these sub-vocations. When we are given them by God, we use our free will (which he also gave us) either to accept or reject them. If we accept them, God will give us sufficient grace to live them. If we reject them, we will not be truly at peace. Accepting his will and responding to his grace will give us peace and keep us on our path to holiness.
But sometimes God throws us a curve! How many stories have we heard of someone enjoying success, comfort, and contentment, only to get an out-of-the-blue notion to uproot everything he's laid down for himself and his family, if he has one, and start all over with something completely different? Some tell him, "You're crazy!" while others applaud his courage. How does he know he's doing the right thing?
How could I know I was doing the right thing when I gave up my cozy career in opera for the cloister? How can anyone know if what they think is a religious calling is indeed that? The call to religious life is the most mysterious sub-vocation of all. For some, it is a seed that is planted from their first moments of consciousness. For others, like myself, it's a curve ball. And mine was a hanging curve ball, to boot. If it is of the curve ball variety, another question arises: How do I know that this is from God, and not born of my own will and imagination? That question tormented me for many months until I finally asked it out loud to my spiritual director. After a moment's thought and, I suspect, a short prayer, he gave me this invaluable answer: If you try again and again to push it away, but it keeps coming back stronger than ever, it's most probably not your own will, but God's. Ask him.
Taking this with me into further prayer and meditation, I asked God straight out from my heart: Let me know Your will. And God, seeing I was sincere in asking, gave me his answer with undeniable clarity. Exactly how he gave it, I cannot tell. That's between him and me. All I can tell you is that it left me with peace of mind and a joyful heart.
And so, I took the next step. . . .
Beautifully and simply put, Letti.
ReplyDeleteI have asked God the same question and He is slowly (at a pace determined by my feeble-mindedness) revealing Himself to me. You have many compelling thoughts in your blogs. I am truly enjoying your companionship and wisdom.
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